Living in Misery
by By the Sounding Sea
Summary: Three months after the series finale, Mary contemplates life without Marshall. Better than it sounds, I hope. Taking a step out of my comfort zone. I usually write humor.


**Not a good title, but it was the best I could think of. Inspired by the series finale (so sad. I love _In Plain Sight_). Mind you, I didn't actually _see _the series finale (I actually haven't seen anything after the season three finale. I know, I need to catch up), but I read about it, and boy, did it make me mad. I don't understand how those writers can write the magnificent banter and insightful narratives, yet they can't successfully end the frickin' series. Tragic, really. But what are you gonna do? **

**Like I said, I haven't seen the finale. This is just my interpretation of what I read, and a figment of my imagination. I really don't care if it's true to the actual storyline. That's kind of the whole point of Fan Fiction; making the characters do whatever the hell you want. Or don't want, as the case may be. Just thought I'd toss that out there. Anyway, I do not own _In Plain Sight_. Enjoy!**

* * *

It had been three months since Marshall had essentially ended their friendship, and Mary was miserable. More than miserable. Nothing could make her feel better, not even Nora, who she had quickly grown to love more than anything in the world. But it didn't matter. She needed Marshall in her life. He was the one who helped her through the myriad of problems that occurred on a regular basis in her life. She discovered that, unfortunately, she wasn't quite as independent as she had thought she was. She needed Marshall to survive, to make it through the hard times.

Before she had met Marshall, Mary was even more cold and bitter than she was after she had met him. She trusted no one; she kept herself and her life completely hidden from the rest of the world. But then she met him, and things changed. Not just things. He had changed her. When she was around him, she didn't feel the need to hide her tears, secrets, or fears. She didn't really feel the need because nine times out of ten, he already knew. She pretended to hate the fact that he rented a room in her head, but in reality, she was grateful for that. It allowed her to release her deepest thoughts, her deepest feelings, the deepest part of her heart that no one in the world but Marshall would ever be allowed or able to see without having to actually express them, one of the things she found most difficult.

Marshall's absence didn't just affect Mary. It also affected Brandi and Jinx. They hated seeing Mary so miserable. They knew that she was on the verge of tears on a fairly regular occasion, and more than once she had reached the point where she let the tears fall. It was so unlike the strong, fierce Mary that they knew. The tough-as-nails Mary, who had taken care of them for years. They realized, though, that a great length of that period took place after Marshall had entered her life. They realized that Marshall was the one thing that kept her going, and the fact that she just didn't seem to have the strength to carry on without him hurt them, too.

Marshall felt horrible, too, but for very different reasons. By ending his and Mary's friendship, he had received a promotion and a wife, which was great. For him, anyway. Not so much for Mary, whom he had simply left out in the cold. The thing that he felt more than anything was guilt. He knew that Mary had some serious trust issues. And rightfully. After all, her father, who she had loved more than anything in the whole world, did abandon her at the meager age of seven, leaving her with an infant sister and a highly active alcoholic mother. He knew that she didn't trust anyone. Except for him, of course. And after a time, he realized just how much he must have hurt her. He had told Mary, long ago, that he would never leave her; he would never abandon her, ever. At the time, he wasn't sure he was even capable of leaving her. And Mary had believed him. But then he did just that. He abandoned her. He left.

When Marshall had that discussion on the balcony—the discussion that seemed so short and so small, but would soon cause huge, irreparable damage—he hadn't thought about how much his words and actions could—would—hurt her. But they did. They clearly did. He wasn't sure which had hurt Mary more: his abandonment or her father's abandonment.

Over the course of several months, Mary and Marshall drifted farther and farther apart. As Mary's new boss, they talked to each other about as much as they had talked to Stan before. Even less, actually, due to the tension.

Much to Marshall's dismay, Mary was flying solo, refusing to be partnered with anyone other than Marshall. He knew how dangerous their—her—job could be, and the fact that she had no back up was more than disconcerting.

Several years ago, when Stan was in trouble and possibly going to jail, Mary had joked that if Stan went to jail, Marshall would become her boss, and then she would have to kill herself.

Now that Marshall actually _had_ become her boss, and knowing how depressed she was, he was wondering just how much of a joke her statement had been.

Mary knew Marshall as well as Marshall knew Mary; she knew that he had been thinking about her possible joke. The truth was, she had absolutely no intention of killing herself. She wasn't _that_ weak. Not to mention the fact that she had a daughter now, and she knew that Brandi was starting to slip and she would need Mary's support. She was almost insulted that Marshall would even think that she was contemplating suicide. Maybe he didn't know her quite as well as she thought he did. Maybe he didn't think exactly like her.

Because if Marshall really did think like Mary then he would have known…

Living in misery sucks marginally less than dying in it.


End file.
